Praying the Serenity Prayer a little differently

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

On the surface, it sounds simple. In practice, I think it is a hard way to live.

Most of our stress comes from mixing up those three categories. We spend energy trying to control people, outcomes, the past, the weather, politics, markets, or what others think of us. Meanwhile, we neglect the few things that are actually ours to shape like our words, our effort, our choices, our response.

I recently found myself in a situation I had absolutely no control over. I was getting increasingly frustrated. My head started to ache and I could feel the tension building in my body. The harder I mentally wrestled with the situation, the worse I felt. Yet there was nothing I could do to change it.

Then, in that moment the Holy Spirit brought the Serenity Prayer to mind. I recited it two or three times. Then, without thinking, I found myself praying it differently, in response to my situation.

God, grant me peace to release what I cannot control, courage to take responsibility for what I can, and wisdom to stop confusing the two.

Wow. Nothing around me changed, but something within me did. The peace that comes from releasing. 

I immediately wrote it down and sent it to myself on WhatsApp because I didn't want to lose it. Then another thought came. What if this wasn't just a prayer for difficult moments? What if we use it as a framework for navigating stress, relationships, work, leadership, anxiety, loss, and everyday life?

I realised I could begin almost any difficult situation with three simple questions unpacking the Serenity Prayer:

• Is this mine to control?
• If yes, what is the next step?
• If no, can I let it go?

So I started reimagining the Serenity Prayer for different situations.

Around stress: May I stop carrying burdens that were never assigned to me. May I faithfully carry the ones that are. And may I know which is which.

Relationships: Give me grace to stop trying to change other people. Give me courage to change myself, or to walk away if I need to. Give me wisdom to know that only one of those jobs is mine.

Work: Help me stop worrying about outcomes I cannot guarantee. Help me focus on the work I can diligently do today. Help me remember that effort belongs to me. Results sometimes do not.

Leadership and management: Grant me peace when I cannot control every decision, courage to influence where I can, and wisdom to know the difference between leading and controlling.

Parenting (for me, being an Aunt): Help me accept that I cannot live my children's [nieces' and nephews'] lives for them. Give me courage to love, teach, and guide them well. Give me wisdom to know when to hold on and when to let go.

When anxious: Help me notice when my mind is trying to solve problems that are not mine to solve. Give me courage to act where action is possible. Give me peace where it isn't.

Regarding the future: Grant me peace about tomorrow, courage for today, and wisdom to remember that today is the only place where I can actually do anything.

Politics and the world: Help me care without carrying the weight of the whole world. Help me contribute where my hands can reach. Help me recognise the difference.

Everyday life: Help me accept what I cannot control, improve what I can, and resist the temptation to confuse the two.

I think the reason the Serenity Prayer has remained pertinent through time is that it isn't about being passive, but about knowing where to spend your limited energy. It has certainly brought more peace into my life. Maybe it will bring some into yours.

The next time you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself:

• Is this mine to control?
• If yes, what is the next step?
• If no, can I let it go?

From where my feet are, peace comes from releasing what is not yours. Courage comes from doing what is. Wisdom is knowing which pile is which.