Congratulations. You have successfully put out my fire

I have just returned home after being away for quite some time. Naturally, I was excited to be back, to eat matooke and boiled chicken, sleep in my bed, be disturbed by MY mosquitoes, etc. I was so excited that all I wanted to do was call my people because, in my mind, they are definitely going to be just as happy as I was. I was even smiling before I called. 

So I called.

Reader, it was like hugging a giant pillar of ice. I came in carrying fireworks of excitement, they picked up the phone with a fire extinguisher. I was a happy dog running toward its owner, and they responded with the emotional equivalent of, "Yes... noted." I was playing a trumpet and they handed me headphones and wore their noise canceling headphones.

By the end of the conversation, I almost wanted to apologise for returning. In fact, I was not even sure I had returned. I almost wanted to ask if they were speaking to the right person.

It made me realise we do this to people far more often than we think. Someone says, I got the job! Response: Hmm... but is it permanent? Someone says, I'm engaged! Response: Let's see how long that lasts. Someone says, I wrote something I'm really proud of.  Response: Did anyone actually read it? Someone says, I finished the marathon. Response: Did you improve your time. 

Someone comes back after weeks away, practically wagging their tail with excitement. Response: "Oh... you are back." Just like that, these three words and the funeral service complete.

I know we do not mean to do it. People are not trying to be unkind. Sometimes they are distracted. Sometimes they are tired. Sometimes they are simply being practical, realistic, balanced, or adult. Meanwhile, someone else's excitement gets unintentionally extinguished. 

When I eventually mentioned how it had landed on my side, I discovered there was a reasonable explanation. They had literally just woken up. My call woke them up. Fair enough. In hindsight, expecting fireworks may have been a touch ambitious. It turned into a tiny storm in a teacup, but it was clear to me that our timing, mood, or tiredness can accidentally pour cold water on someone carrying sunshine.

Next time, I will wait until they are caffeinated.

Excitement is a fragile little thing. It does not ask for much, and many times it just wants, "I'm so glad you are back" or, "that's wonderful" or even, "tell me everything." Those few words can make someone feel seen.

It is amazing how often we underestimate our ability to add life to another person's day. We don't always need solutions, we at times simply need someone to share our excitement with and it is genuinely received. 

So here is my thought. If someone comes to you with their good news, don't immediately inspect it for defects. Let it breathe like a bottle of red wine. Celebrate first and analyse later. There will be plenty of time to discuss risks, budgets, statistics, and possible disappointments tomorrow. After all, there is a reason they came running to you. If every time they come carrying fireworks they leave with ashes, don't be surprised if, one day, they stop coming.

Today, just let people have their fireworks. The world already has enough rain. It doesn't need us carrying buckets of water around too.