The commercial future of the moon

We used to look at the moon with humility and wonder. Back then, it used to belong to poetry, lullabies, lovers who had run out of words and wanted to make promises they could not measure, to children hearing about the man in the moon, or somebody somewhere saying I will love you to the moon and back.

Here we are today, human beings confidently circling back with better rockets and more acute corporate instincts, it feels inevitable that somewhere a presentation already exists for Moonlight Heights Residences, phase one nearly sold out, with crater-facing balconies, eternity pools with the view of earth, and for the daring, dark-side facing estates. I am certain there is an early investor discount.

Soon there will be Premium Lunar Weddings, complete with silver themed decor and vows exchanged under the original moon while standing on it. Honeymoon packages too: three nights, four days, complimentary oxygen, breakfast excluded because of gravity logistics.

Then the Moon Ultra Marathon will come, advertised as the world’s lightest race. 

Motivational speakers will book lunar retreats called Rise Above Earthly Limits, where exhausted executives pay to rediscover themselves while floating near the sea of tranquility. 

Alibaba will have lunar flash sales, early bird tickets, group discounts, corporate team-building in low gravity.

A few years later, FIFA will create something called the Peace Cup Lunar Edition, sponsored by three telecom companies and one bank, with commentators pretending that low gravity has added beauty to the game when in fact nobody can control the ball.

Uganda being Uganda, I am sure conversations have begun about who should become Member of Parliament for Lunar Affairs, or at the very least Minister of State for Moon Affairs, complete with an official vehicle, a fuel allocation, and a speech about taking services closer to the people. This will be followed shortly by a parliamentary committee, two benchmarking trips, and a public debate about whether the moon belongs under research, defence, or local government.

Human beings being human beings, we cannot go anywhere without immediately inventing classes. There will be economy, business class, premium orbit, and executive lunar access, where rich people pay extra to look reflective near a window while everybody else settles for videos.

We have already commercialised beaches, mountains, silence, fasting, prayer, weddings, funerals, sunsets, childhood, wellness, heartbreak, and even the act of doing nothing, which is now packaged as a retreat with herbal tea and registration fees. It was optimistic to think the moon would survive us. For centuries it hung there quietly, lighting poets, fishermen, night travellers, insomniacs, and people making decisions they should probably have delayed until morning.

At some point in the future, a child will ask what the moon used to be before, and an adult probably comparing package options and asking whether luggage is included will say, once upon a time, it was just there.