New Beginnings

I have learnt that not every ending happens in one single moment. There are times when you end something many times before it actually and truly ends.

You return to the same conclusion more than once. You leave, then question yourself, return, then remember why you left. You tell yourself this is the last time, then fear, hope, habit, or uncertainty pull you back, and the cycle continues. 

Yesterday felt different because this time I was not just reacting to pain, but was responding to clarity. I let go of something that had been holding me back for a while. It was something I had tried to release before but had not fully found the courage to put down. I let go of what had become too heavy to keep explaining, too uncertain to keep trusting, too limiting to keep calling part of my future.

For a long time, fear disguised itself as patience and giving grace. I waited, adjusted, hoped, developed interesting coping strategies, had several internal conversations with myself until I realised that courage is deciding that holding on is more painful and more costly than letting go.

So today I am full of gratitude. Gratitude for clarity. Gratitude for the strength to release what was no longer working for me. Gratitude for the faith to step forward without knowing everything ahead. Gratitude for a new beginning.

I do not think all new beginnings are easy, but I know there is something freeing about finally moving in the direction your spirit has been asking for all along.

Today, where my feet are, I am thankful for a beginning.