Today, I have no inspiring words. I don't feel strong. There is a heaviness sitting inside me that I cannot explain. A cloud has settled over my thoughts, and everything feels quieter than it should and yet loud at the same time. The things that usually make me smile have gone silent, hidden behind the dark clouds.
All I want to do is cry.
The thing about days like this is how invisible they can be. You answer messages. You smile when someone looks your way. You say, "I'm fine," because it is easier than explaining a sadness you don't fully understand yourself. One of the hardest parts is not the sadness but realising that the people closest to you don't always notice it. Our storms can be invisible even to those closest to us, and sometimes we hide the storms from them.
I am not feeling sorry for myself, and no, there is no need for anyone to rescue me. I just have nothing left to hold the tears back. Why does the heart sometimes wake up with a sadness it cannot name?
Part of me wants to stop crying, to be stronger, to explain it away, to hurry back to feeling like myself again. But another part of me knows that tears do not always mean there is a problem to solve.
We speak so often about finding joy that we forget sadness also has something to teach us. It slows us down. It reminds us that we are human. It tells us that beneath our routines and our smiles, there is still a heart capable of feeling deeply.
So today, I will not fight the wave. I will let it wash over me. I will cry until there are no more tears for today. Today is asking me to let the rain fall and to stop pretending that every cloud must be chased away immediately. Then I will drink some water, open the curtains, and trust tomorrow to carry whatever strength it has for me.
If you are reading this while carrying your own invisible storm, know this: you are not strange and you are not failing and you are certainly not the only one lying still, waiting for the weight to become lighter.
Today, I will let myself cry. Tomorrow can ask something else of me.
But today...
...today, this is where my feet are.
Mine is a shoulder you can lean on.
ReplyDelete🫂🫂🫂🥹🥹🥹
One day at a time, sweet Jesus
ReplyDeleteThat's all i am asking of you
Just give me the strength to do everyday, what i have to do
Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine
Lord help me today
Show me the way
One day at a time......
This was me two weeks ago.
ReplyDeleteI have always been the strong one, but I didn't realize that I had neglected myself for years. I had become so busy pouring into initiatives, building others, and pursuing everything except myself.
Then, one random day, everything slowed down. My heart felt heavy, yet life expected me to keep going. My mind felt suffocated. Everything around me seemed right, but something within me was deeply wrong.
Soon, my body began to respond. I cried for days.
Looking back now, I realize it was all necessary. That season pushed me to make some of the most important decisions of my life.
I have decided to let go of all my volunteering opportunities. They have been incredibly fulfilling, but also overwhelming. I came to understand that just because I can do something does not mean I should.
In many ways, these roles sustained me, but with no clear direction on how I will navigate this new chapter especially as I begin campus in August I am choosing to pursue myself.
Those low moments can be painful, but they often become defining moments in our lives. It all depends on how we choose to respond to them.