An open letter to men on Women's Day

Dear Men,

First, thank you for the Women's Day messages.

Today, many of you have posted something thoughtful on WhatsApp that says, "Happy Women’s Day to all the amazing, strong, beautiful women out there." Some of you added flowers and  a few added a crown emoji. One or two even typed "Queens." We appreciate the effort. In fact, many of us received the same message from several men… husbands, brothers, colleagues, friends, and from two uncles who copied it directly from WhatsApp groups. Progress is progress.

But come here small small. Since today is International Women’s Day, perhaps we can have a small conversation. It is not anything serious but just a few everyday observations from the women who have been quietly watching you for years.

Let us begin with listening. Men have a fascinating habit. When a woman begins telling a story, many of you assume it is the opening scene of a problem that needs immediate fixing.

A woman says, "today something strange happened at work." The man, already preparing a strategic intervention, replies, "ok, what you should do is confront the issue directly, restructure communication, and escalate if necessary." Meanwhile the woman had only reached sentence two.

This is difficult for men because you are trained from birth to fix things. A car breaks down, fix it. The sink leaks, fix it. The Wi-Fi stops working, panic briefly and then fix it.

Men, sometimes we are not asking for a solution. Sometimes we are simply narrating. The correct response in such moments is something simple like, "hmm, that sounds annoying," or "tell me more." not a three point action plan.

Now let us move to another everyday mystery on how homes function. Many men walk into a house that is running smoothly and assume this is simply how houses behave naturally. Food appears, laundry disappears and returns clean, children remember sports day, she remembers that someone’s aunt is upset with someone’s cousin for something that happened in 2009.. 

But somewhere behind the scenes a woman is running a complex operation that would qualify as a multinational corporation if properly documented, involving groceries, school notices, emotional diplomacy, meal planning, and locating things men have been staring at for ten minutes.

For example, a man can open a refrigerator, stare directly at the juice for two full minutes, and then confidently say, "there is no juice." A woman walks in, moves one tomato slightly to the left, and immediately produces the juice. To be fair, the same woman may later spend fifteen minutes looking for her phone… while holding it.

But let us move on.

Let us talk briefly about ambition. When a man works late or pursues big goals, we say he is driven, focused, building something. When a woman does the same thing, society suddenly becomes concerned and asks, "but how will she manage everything?" The answer is the same way everyone manages everything... with stress, coffee, effort, mistakes, occasional panic, and determination. Ambition is not a male personality trait. It is simply what happens when a human being has ideas and energy.

Finally, let us talk about respect, and please I do not mean the once-a-year respect with flowers and inspirational quotes, but the everyday respect that includes listening without interruption, sharing responsibility without waiting to be asked, taking women’s ideas seriously the first time they are said, not when another man repeats them fifteen minutes later.

Men sometimes imagine women are asking for something complicated, but we are not. We are mostly asking for partnership, and occasionally for you to learn where the salt and sugar are kept. This alone could transform many households.

So today, dear men, after the Women’s Day messages have been posted and the emojis deployed furiously, perhaps we can try something slightly "revolutionary". by not just celebrating women for one day, but making life a little easier for the women who have been quietly keeping the entire system running.

Trust me, we notice everything. We have been quietly collecting data for years.

Warmly,

A Woman who has been observing you all for quite some time