We are not going to ask why the chicken crossed the road. We know chickens cross roads. They always do. That part is not the issue. We are interested in the process. The chicken crossed the road and we just want transparency.
So:
Did it submit the required documentation?
Did it receive official clearance from the Inter-ministerial committee on road crossing?
Was there a feasibility study?
Did it conduct a comprehensive traffic impact assessment, particularly regarding boda bodas?
Had it mapped out the potholes in advance?
Did it secure clearance from the local poultry authority (LPA)?
Did it carry the approved umbrella colour?
Did it pay its crossing tax?
Was there a stamped crossing permit?
Did it secure a "safe corridor" before crossing?
Did it budget for "miscellaneous approvals"?
Was there a contingency plan for unexpected infrastructural realities?
Was there a pre-crossing workshop titled: “Strategic movement: maximising outcomes across lanes”?
Did it attend the compulsory half-day seminar on risk, resilience and responsible relocation?
Was there a launch event?
Did it declare its intentions publicly or just wake up and cross the road?
Did it review the manifesto of the other side before committing?
Did it notify the group chat?
Did it prepare a response in case the outrage merchants took over the narrative?
Did it confirm that the grass was greener on the other side?
Did it check Google Maps?
Did it draft a five-year crossing strategy?
Did did negotiate short cuts behind closed doors?
Did it update its LinkedIn bio to “Open to relocation”? Or “Now thriving across the road”?
Did it unveil a 3-year road transition framework?
Were there informal understandings with chicken traffic control officers?
Did it appoint a spokesperson (Spokeschicken)?
Did it draw lessons from previous attempted crossing?
Did it draft a vision statement for the other side?
Did it check whether the grass was organic or just brilliantly marketed?
Did it announce, “new beginnings ✨”?
Did it get a second opinion from a duck?
Did the chicken appoint a task force on strategic migration?
Was there a road-crossing steering committee?
Did it form a subcommittee?
Did it conduct a pilot crossing before full implementation?
Was there a ribbon-cutting ceremony across the road?
Did it livestream the crossing?
Did it analyse historical data on poultry mobility?
Did it create a hashtag? #CrossingWithPurpose
Was there a baseline survey of worm availability?
Did it submit accountability for crossing expenses, with receipts attached?
Did it receive endorsement from three senior roosters?
Was there a benchmarking trip to another village to observe best practices in road navigation?
Did it produce a policy brief?
Was there a mid-term review when it reached the yellow line?
Did it secure LC1 approval?
Did the village WhatsApp group debate it for six hours?
Did someone respond, “Following.”?
Did it get environmental clearance from the ducks?
Did it prepare a crisis communication plan in case things went left?
Was there a post-crossing impact report?
Were influencers and content creators invited to control the crossing narrative?
Did it sign an MoU with the other side?
Did it draft Terms of Reference for the crossing?
Did it hold a stakeholder validation workshop?
Did it get audited mid-crossing?
From where my feet are, the crossing itself is not the headline. Chickens cross. People move. Decisions are made every day. The way I see it, it is not the movement, but the processes surrounding it, or the lack thereof.
The chicken crossed. We simply want transparency.
The chicken crossed. We are still drafting the framework.
For any further concerns regarding the chicken’s movement, please submit them through the proper channels in the comments.
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ReplyDeleteDid that chicken
ReplyDelete1. Look left, right and left again before crossing (even if it was a one way road)?
2. Was the road crossing Ai powered?
3. Did the chicken consider the real danger of encountering ICE agents during the road crossing?
4. Did the chicken assume crossing the road was a fundamental change or a mere change of road sides?
5. Did the chicken choose KFC (Know Your Calamities) while crossing?
6. Did it count its steps and calories?
7. Did it consider chickening out at any point?
8. Did it consider the most chicken friendly way to cross? Did it ask ChickenGPT?
9. Did the chicken know that Sarah is tall atte afumba eky'enkya?
10. Did it consider that this was just one of many roads it had to cross?
Hahhahahahahahahaha these are hilarious! Know Your Calamities - KFC
DeleteI am still laughing at these Hahahahahahah
DeleteThe chicken doesn't need to tick every box to cross the road, it only needs to ensure it is safe and then move.
ReplyDeleteIf we truly want to reduce bureaucratic tendencies, we must design systems that enable action, not suffocate it, and judge success by outcomes achieved rather than committees formed or guidelines drafted.
This satire reminds us that process can easily become performance instead of purpose.
In life, there is no perfect situation and no flawless environment. At some point, you must make a decision with the information you have and refine it as you gain new insight.
DeleteEven those who tick every box can still fail. During the collapse and eventual sale of Nokia, former CEO Stephen Elop famously said, “We didn’t do anything wrong, but somehow, we lost.” There was structure, there was compliance, yet the company still collapsed.
The lesson is simple: perfection in process does not guarantee survival. What matters most is the courage to act, adapt, and evolve before circumstances make the decision for you.
Yes, and this is the point exactly... using humour to highlight how we sometimes overcomplicate or overthink things. The exaggeration is not an argument but I am stretching things a little so that we can see them more clearly.
DeleteThe redtape for me. The Spokeschicken, the MOU. The chicken may even be too tired to cross the road by the time it's crossing is permitted.
ReplyDeleteA brilliant Satire! Cast to demonstrate the Analysis Paralysis in most of our blue chip institutions.
ReplyDeleteThe chicken didn’t wait for the Terms of Reference. It simply crossed!
We can debate procedure for hours — but movement beats minutes every time. not every step needs a symposium.
Many a times, the crossing is the progress.