The best pickup line I have ever heard

This morning, as I was walking, I had to jump over puddles of water left from last night’s rain. You know those large ones on our pothole riddled roads. So I was doing that careful calculation with every step where you  lift the pants slightly, lean forward and jump. 

This reminded me of something that happened about ten years ago.

The best pickup line I have ever received.

It was also a rainy morning. I was walking to work, doing exactly what I was doing today, really trying not to dirty myself on a muddy road. Above me was a building under construction with the usual noise of metal clanking, men talking loudly, someone laughing so hard at something that probably wasn’t that funny.

As I jumped over a puddle, a voice from up on the scaffolding shouted in Luganda:

“Tofayo Bebi, ne bw’ogwa mu mazzi, nja kulongosa”

“Don’t worry, baby! Even if you fall in the puddle of water, I will clean you up.”

I stopped.

Looked up.

There he was up there confident, amused, and very serious about what he had just said.

And I laughed.

It was bold, smooth and poetic. It was built on-site (pun intended). It was customised to the weather and was tailored to the moment.

And that is exactly why it worked.

He didn’t shout something random. He used the moment. He saw the situation and built his case around it. Very builder-like, if you ask me. Problem? Mud. Solution? “I will clean you up nice.”

What also made me smile was the imagination. He did not say he would save me from falling. He did not say he would carry me. He simply accepted that life has puddles and if I land in one, he is ready to clean me. How very thoughtful and practical.

There was no pressure after that. No climbing down. No “give me your number.” He just laughed when I laughed and went back to work.

Ten years later, I remember that line clearly.

Sometimes the best pickup lines are not the polished ones. They are the ones that fit the moment so perfectly.

This morning, as I successfully avoided falling into any puddle, I smiled to myself, not  because I needed to be rescued, but because somewhere in Kampala, there is a builder who once believed he could offer cleaning services as romance, and for that brief, muddy second, it absolutely worked.